Stay True Stay Pure Stay Faithful

I am good enough

Sometimes life just seems so tough… It might be the smallest problem or obstacle in the world but the affect is so great. I guess it is because the devil is good at what he does… he is a master at is art. He makes the smallest circumstance make you feel so helpless, worthless and simply just not good enough. Not good enough for your friends, parents, family, girlfriend (or in somebody else’s case boyfriend) and most importantly, not good enough for God himself.

I don’t know if others have felt this way before but this is how I have been feeling lately, “not good enough”. The toughest part of dealing with this is that the devil uses the people that you love the most to make you feel that way. Like I said earlier the devil is good at what he does. But when I start to meditate on this and think about how useless I am, how worthless I am, what a big hypocrite I am and how “not good enough” I am The only thing I can think of is… why? If I am all of these things then why did Jesus die on the cross for me? It just doesn’t make sense. But the truth is that it doesn’t have to make sense, if God himself was willing to come down to earth manifested in a mortal body and be humiliated, tortured and executed on a cross for crimes that I committed then that tells me that me that in his eyes I am useful, I am worth something and I am good enough. It may not make sense but I just need to accept it and give my life to him because he gave his for me.

-Saul Cruz

Don’t let it guide you.

I have come to realize that we can’t always let our heart guide our lives. Sometimes what our heart wants and desires will lead us into destruction. My heart has fooled and tricked me so many times in my life and it is my heart that has lead me into the darkest places in my life where I was found lonely and broken. I have come to realize that a deprived heart is always better than a broken heart.

Psalm 73:26

26 My flesh and my heart fail; But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever.

Jesus is amazing

I’m always left in awe when I think about Gods goodness. It is amazing how he still loves us unconditionally even when we are such screw ups. And I’m always left in disappointment when I think about how ungrateful I am… I constantly ask and he consistently provides. I just wish I had something to offer him. I have offered my life but that is simply just not enough.

    "Galatians 2:20 
    I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God. who loved me and gave himself for me."

A new me

I haven’t written on here for about a year and I have decided to start blogging on tumblr again for the honor and glory of my God Jesus. My old posts are so negative, depressing and immature so please ignore them. I am going to be deleting the ones that I feel are inappropriate and as for the others that I do not delete I have decided to keep them because I can go back and see how God is working in my life and how he is changing me, even if they are embarrassing. It is amazing how much I have grown and how much my mentality has changed in a year but I am constantly changing daily and I will continue to change for the better. I may fail but my strive is to improve every single day. And starting from this very moment I am going to document things that happen in this amazing journey (life) that God has blessed me with until that privilege is taken from me.

-Saul Cruz

BELIEVE.

Matthew 17:20

     20He replied, "Because you have so little faith. 
      I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as 
      a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 
     'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing 
      will be impossible for you."

Sometimes it is easy to say we believe but deep inside we are doubting and second guessing ourselves. I had been going through some struggles at home and I was praying and fasting for the situation for about two months and it is sad to say but at the end of the two months I was getting discouraged and I had lost most of my faith that God was going to take care of the entire situation. As time went on i noticed that the situatuion was getting worse instead of improving but i kept praying and fasting and i got to the point that i stopped believing in my prayers. I was just doing it because it had turned into a habit and I just felt like I had too do it. But I guess I still had a little faith in me if I kept praying about it.

Then all of a sudden i saw the change in my home and saw that God answered my prayers. Even though this situation was hard and painful, God used it to show me his love and power. We sometimes forget that we are serving a God of miracles. The God that gave sight to the blind and gave life to the dead is the same God that we are serving today. He is not a watered down or washed up God; He is the same God that walked this earth and made many miracles over 2000 years ago. All we need is faith as tiny as a mustard seed to see those miracles. I am so amazed and thank God for showing me this first hand. May all the honor and glory be for my almighty God.

-Saul Cruz

Family??

Today I realized how much I truly do love my family. I have always loved them and I have always known that I love them but today I have been seeing things in a different perspective.

I might not always get along or agree with my family especially my father and brothers but today I saw the pain in my father’s and brother’s eyes and it just broke my heart. I hate to see them so lost and so blind. Especially with my brother, he’s out doing things he shouldn’t be doing and there’s nothing I can do about it. He’s my little brother and I just wish I could be there for him and protect him from everything but he is a grown man and there is nothing I can do now. And I hate that at times I feel like I have to take on the father role but I guess that’s just life sometimes

As for my dad… I don’t even know what to say about him. I’m his son, how can I be an example for him?

But I guess it’s still my fault, I should have been a better example growing up, a better role model, and a better more loving brother. I can say that I never had any of those things growing up and I didn’t but I’m not the type of person to make excuses, so I take the blame for it.

I’ve messed up in the past and all I can do now is ask for forgiveness, serve my god and pray for my brother and my father. And of course be a much better brother to my younger siblings and direct them in the correct path.

Acts 16:31
31They replied, "Believe in the Lord Jesus, and 
you will be saved— you and your household."

I can’t dwell on the past, I have messed up but gods grace is so great that I am forgiven from all of that. Now all I can do is believe and serve Christ and by faith, with lots and lots of prayer my brother and father will fall onto there knees and call upon his name once again.

What is real? What is cool?

I havn’t been on here in a long time but since that last time i had been on a lot has changed. I can finally see completely clear who and what I want to be. It is amazing how wonderful life is when you put God first and let him take control of your life. Just like Confide says “just know, I’m relieved things are clear, my feet are where they should be”.

For the past five years or so, I had been seeking to be different, original and real. I listened to music that not many people listen too, and I tried to dress and look completely different than all of those whom surrounded me. This was me: a person that thought was better or cooler than everybody else because i looked different and didnt listen to music that is played on the radio.

Now i look back on that and realize how blind, ignorant, and fake I was. My life turned meaningless, I was not living for anyone but myself. I listened to music that was not edifying me in my walk with God and I found myself at shows and in places a christian should not be in every single weekend. As horrible as I make my lifestyle seem, I loved it. I loved going to shows,i loved listening to bands pour their anger and grief out. But now I realize that there is so much more to life than living for myself.

   Matthew 16:24-25 says;

   24Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would 
   come after me, he must deny himself and take up his 
   cross and follow me. 
   25For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but 
   whoever loses his life for me will find it.

I have made up my mind that I want to be a true disciple now. It is time that i find a new definition for “real and “cool”, it is time for me to be completely different and separate myself from the world. I moved a couple of days ago and i made up my mind that I was not going to live for myself anymore so I grabbed everything that made me who I was while I was packing and I threw it out. CD’s, pictures, ticket stubs, letters from past relationships etc… it all went in the trash. It was the hardest thing I had ever done and it hurt but I knew that to follow Christ I had to give up everything i loved, everything that made me who I was and essentially the only thing I knew (deny myself) and be willing to lose relationships or friendships, or my reputation and suffer and even die for following Christ (take up my cross). Sounds harsh, but I mean, nobody ever said it was going to be easy. But it will be worth it in the end. The reward outweighs the cost one billion to one.

It’s only been a few days and I have already been rejected, lost a friend and told I was crazy for sharing what Jesus is doing in me. But I thank God that he has opened my eyes and showed me that my true friends are at church. The type of friends that wont take me to places i shouldnt and have me doing things i shouldnt be doing . I also thank god for giving me the most wonderful girl in the entire world. She’s amazing, shes my PARTNER IN CHRIST and i thank God for her love and support and making this walk so much easier.

So now I ask myself, “what is real? what is cool?” and i can only think of one answer for both of those questions…. JESUS CHRIST! It cant get anymore real or any cooler than living for and serving Jesus Christ.

-Saul Cruz

Why?

It’s been a while since I’ve wrtiten on here. I guess that the reason for that is that it’s alot easier to write when one’s not completely content with your life. Which is absolutely ridiculous. I guess that’s why most songs are so miserable. idk

Well we had our holiday youth convention a few weeks ago and it was awesome, I felt like I was made new again, like God had given me another chance to make things right again and serve him with all of my heart.

Last sunday a friend from church told me “You know you’re not the same person i knew when we first started working together and that is awesome” he then warned me that I was now a major target for the enemy and that difficult circumstances were going to come my way, and a few days later they did. I just find it amazing that the enemy knows exactly how to get to us and even if we know what our weaknesses are, we still can’t defend them.

So I just want to ask, why? Why is it that the same things keep on hitting me over and over and I still can’t defend against them? Why is it that the same obsticles come my way and hinder my relationship with God every single time? Why is it that i can feel an uttermost joy in my heart at times and then have it taken away from me and repalced with dispair in seconds?

I wish I had the answer to those questions…

Inside and out.

How can I be so selfish? I’ve only been thinking of myself, my feelings and not realizing who I’m pushing aside.

Today she showed me how much she cares about me in a huge way. It actually wasn’t very huge. She just bought me medicine and candy but to me it was huge. It shows me how much she cares about me and it really can’t get any sweeter than that. She truly is a blessing from God. I love her and she truly is beautiful inside and out.

I have no idea what I’m doing.

These past few days I’ve felt so lost and I really have no idea what I’m doing. A few days ago I was talking to a friend about my situation and she said to me “you always talk about forgiveness, why cant you just forgive her?” Of course I replied “I already have forgiven her.”

I constantly tell myself I have forgiven her but if I really have, why does it still haunt me? I guess the answer to that question is that I havn’t completely forgiven her. She seems to be doing just fine, meanwhile this is still haunting me.

Colossians 3:12-17 says, 12Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. 13Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. 14And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

15Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 16Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. 17And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.

If God forgives me, how can I not forgive her? I don’t know. I thought I had forgiven her but I really don’t know. Maybe it’s because I feel like I havn’t received a real apology, just a bunch of meaningless “I’m sorry’s”.

What bothers me most is that God has forgiven me and most importantly chosen me to represent him and I still can’t completely forgive a friend, a sister in Christ and a part of the body of Christ… A part of me. How can I teach orhers about Christ when I’m not following this? Am I really that disobedient? Lord help me.

-Saul Cruz